I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
