dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
