i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
