Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
