he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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