we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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