She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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