brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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