please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
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My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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