So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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