When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
