we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
