So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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