CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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