you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
