I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
