So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
