Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
