tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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