I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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