I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
