dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
