OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
