so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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