That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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