thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
