also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
