Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
