I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
