she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
