I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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