Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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