What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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