Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
