So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
