I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
