you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
