I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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