What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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