So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
