WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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