areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
