I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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