i think my mom watched the whole time
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
