Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Can you bring me the toilet please
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
