He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
