I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
