fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
