Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if only i could text you this smell
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
