I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't turn off my feet"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
