Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
