I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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