I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
