mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
