Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
