Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
