Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize