you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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