Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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