I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
