If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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