I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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