I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
