it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
