I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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