I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
