she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
