i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize