I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
