she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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