Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
