im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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